well, it's finally going to happen. the endless string of good people dying from being crushed under cars, elevators, elephant feet, and any other heavy objects dangled precariously over your cranium will soon be over. a neuroscientist in italy is convinced within the next two years he will be able to successfully transfer a head from one body to another. no more "uncle teddy's body is perfectly fine! it's just his head what got crushed by the camaro." nope. not this time. now, teddy will be rushed to a hospital, ostensibly deceased, and then waiting in the wings -- playing the part of the hero -- the head of someone who no longer has a body. but damnit if that head isn't in mint condition. sure, the hair is thinning, the teeth have worn down some, but overall it's pretty low miles. and the brain runs like a dream. just pop it on there, wait a few weeks, fire it up, you got a new uncle teddy. or will it be the head running things? the family of the head will probably be in for the closest thing to a reunion. "michael, you're back! and you're a foot taller!" "yeah, sweet new penis, man!" "that's not michael. that's our uncle teddy! he's just balder now!" will we eventually just swap out bodies like wheels on a car? people opt to leave their families given the chance to be among the first to colonize mars. will the same thrill exist with the first volunteers to have head transplants? "i just have to know what it would feel like to walk with bigger feet." but at least the risk of traveling to mars comes with seeing new sites. what is the greatest benefit of waking up on a new body? "finally got rid of that stupid birthmark!" it could be beneficial for people going through gender reassignment surgery. now it would just be body reassignment. "you've been assigned to larry. get your head on that body by o'six hundred." it seems doubtful we'll ever actually see this. as usual, they have experimented this surgery on helpless mice and even an orangutan. The mice were paralyzed but could blink their eyes, and they died a few hours after being off life support. the orangutan lived for nine days with the new body, but then the body's immune system rejected the new head. like having a cold. "get this damn thing off of me. this isn't karen. it's moving my arms all wrong." "but without the head you'll die." "you heard me. get this damn thing off of me." so maybe the body controls more than we think.