David Huntsberger

Adam And Eve

david — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 04:34:52 +0000

Nice Art

david — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 04:01:27 +0000

“well, he’s a jerk. I’m not going to watch his movies anymore.” what does his personality have to do with what he creates? or she? requiring people to be pleasant and then also be great entertainers seems like a lot to ask. people romanticize van gogh cutting off his ear out of love, but that is not the action of a normal person – or a reasonable person. if they would have had phones back then, i’d imagine the woman who was the catalyst for that maiming would have gotten some unsavory voicemails from him prior – “i’ll do it!! you hear me?! I’ll cut off my god damn ear!! that’s how crazy you make me!! hello?!!” but we don’t know any of that. we only know his art. isn’t that all we should know of an artist? reality shows have given us some idea that behind the scenes they should be a delight, but that has nothing to do with art. you’re going to boycott what they created if they’re not a person you enjoy? what if edison had been an asshole? “well, i’m not using lights anymore! i can tell you that much!” think of all your favorite art, not the artists, just the actual song, movie or book or whatever it is that you like from them. and then imagine the children they touched, the racial slurs they shouted, the things they drunkenly crashed their cars into. in the future, only the art will be remembered, so you may as well get an early start.

Winged Things

david — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Lion Tamer

david — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Unoriginal Answers

david — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Oh, Mini-Death

david — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Dr. Pren, OBGYN

david — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Fossil Fuels

david — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 21:22:30 +0000

i’ve never really understood how the bones of dinosaurs compressed into oil. it seems unlikely. we’ve been pumping oil for a long time, and we don’t seem to be at a real shortage. how many dinosaurs is that? and how much bone does it take to make one barrel of oil? did they all die right on top of each other? the bones turned slowly into oil then leached underground to find other oil and form big pools? i’d like to think the earth is really just a big complex machine with gears made of rock and metal that work constantly to pedal us around the sun and spin around its axis. and the oil is the lubricant for those gears. and eventually it will dry up, screech to a halt, and we’ll all fly off into space. i like that we have a constant leak happening under the ocean. complete with a webcam so you won’t miss a minute of the action. news channels with icons in the bottom that say “oil spill day 75″ and the like. that seems fitting for humans and our existence on this planet. while we’re here, things like that are bound to happen. and we go right on laughing and carousing. like when you’re at a funeral and you know people are out at bars laughing and slapping each other on the back, and you think, “god damn it! don’t they care?” no. no one cares. we just want to party. and that’s why a constant, human caused, stream of oil in the ocean is essential. it seems like there are two basic types of depression. the narcissistic “why doesn’t everyone love me?” kind, and the “why be happy? look at the world we live in” kind. but you’re not seeing footage of darfur, or children starving everyday on a webcam. now, thanks to this oil spill, there’s a constant reason to be depressed and hate the world. that’s good news for a morose individual such as yourself.

Cloud Baby

david — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0000

Brokeback Mountain

david — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 05:27:29 +0000

yep, the title of this insert is the hackiest two words that ever were lobbed into the comedy world. i’ve always avoided any sort of humoring chuckle or even polite smile when someone attempted to make a joke that involved that title anywhere in it. just an immediate frown, scorning, piercing – the likes of which …well, really i did nothing. but it’s just a terrible joke to make. they titled the movie purposely to take away all of it’s power. like when someone is going around the group insulting everyone, and then they get to the asthmatic fat kid with dandruff and bloody gums and say, “too easy”. what they’re really saying is, “it’s actually hard to think of something because it’s already obvious to everyone.” anyway, i was having a conversation with a guy. i was sitting in a chair next to an open door to my left. i couldn’t see who was to my left as people kept popping in the room at weird intervals, but i don’t think i would have answered differently if i had. we were talking about cowboy stuff, and the dude said, “oh yeah, like that movie.” and i said “brokeback mountain? yeah, it was kind of like that except without the gay sex.” (which was true) and then he said, “did you like the movie?” and i said, “yeah, until they started sexin each other. it was really pretty and…” and then i looked at his face, and he was looking to the other side of the door where a gay dude had popped in and said, “i guess i came in at the wrong time.” like i was some bigot or something. just because i didn’t like the setup to the movie, that makes me a scathing homophobe? i saw the movie. that in some sense, should give me a little credit in that regard. and as just a general movie watcher, it was a ludicrous love story – gay or straight. they go from barely saying hello to having violent tent sex? “they lived in a world where their love couldn’t be accepted” yeah, they already did that. it’s just romeo and juliet with a lame gay twist. the gay dude who was perturbed by my review hadn’t even seen the movie. as a member of the gay community, he felt he couldn’t support it. probably for the same reasons that i didn’t like it. so everyone can agree that no one should ever talk about it. ever.